Grief & Loss: What is it & What does it look like?

|Understandably, grief and loss can be a difficult topic to read about and so, while I highly appreciate your time, if you have experienced a loss recently, or are experiencing a tough time, please be mindful of your own emotions and well-being as some of the information in the post and series may be tough to read while in the midst of your own experience of loss. ​

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Grief & Loss: What is it & What does it look like?

The first post in this series focusing on grief and loss interviewed Connie on the Bloggers Corner, who is a blogger was been personally impacted by loss and has transformed her grief into a passion for supporting others and helping to prevent suicide. It can be very difficult to share a story of loss, no matter how much time has passed, and I sincerely thank Connie for being able to share her story with us.

In this post, we will explore the definition of grief and the symptoms associated with a response to loss. Other posts in this series include:

• The Impact of of Experiencing Loss & Bereavement
• Strategies to Process & Feel Supported Through Loss

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First Experience of Loss

​Before we explore the definition of grief, let's explore your very first experience of loss. If you are feeling able, ask yourself:
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• What is the very first experience of loss that you can remember?
• Take a minute to think back.. did this moment happen in your adolescence, childhood or perhaps even earlier (if you can remember that far back)?
• What do you recall about this moment in your life.. can you remember any thoughts, feelings, or questions that came up for you during this experience?
• What else do you remember, any particular smells or physical sensations?
• Has this memory faded or is it still quite vivid in your mind?

​My first experience of loss happened to be the loss of my pet bunny rabbit named BunBun (actual name). He went missing one day and never returned. I clearly remember this event, but at the time I did not have and adequate understanding of what loss actually means; the finality of losing something so dear to you.

I can recall the questions that came to mind about what happened to BunBun and the consequences of not finding him ever again. I remember the rush of sadness when I found out that he may never return and the deep pit of despair to think that I had lost my very first best friend. I really loved animals back then, and still do now. I can recall the sadness that I felt and the tears that streamed down my face a week later when the realization that BunBun was never to return.

Despite the fact that this loss happened so long ago, this memory is still so fresh in my mind, and it's an example of how strong the sense of loss can be and that we can carry these feelings with us far into future. Therefore, it can help to have an understanding of the process of loss in order to work through the stages of grief as a way of dealing with the pain of loss.

Now that we have explored an experience of loss, what exactly is grief? According to helpguide.org:

"Grief is a natural response to loss [and is] the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away."

​Grieving may also include:

• many painful and diverse emotions or reactions
• stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)
• a healthy and unique process of finding meaning within the loss
• no set time period in which the loss is processed
• different cultural rituals 
• impact psychologic-al, physical, social and spiritual areas
• complicated grieving

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Causes

My example of loss above included several causes that led to my experience of grief including the loss of a friendship as well as a bereavement or death. There are many other causes that could trigger a loss including:
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• divorce or a relationship breakup
• loss of identity following change (eg  transitioning from childhood to adolescents)
• chronic illness, aging or health-related problems
• job loss, demotion, or retirement
• financial issues or instability 
• a miscarriage or infertility
• loss of a preferred future or dream
• the loss of feeling safe after a traumatic event
• anniversary, particular date or memory
• loss of a favourite item of meaning or value

Essentially the loss of anything that an individual has attributed meaning to can trigger the grieving process. Therefore, it is important to carefully consider how an individual may experience this loss, especially those who may not be able to articulate just how much pain their grief is causing.

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Symptoms

Each person will experience a loss in a different way, and the severity of symptoms may also depend on the amount of value or meaning the loss had in their life.

A few things to remember about grief:

• experiencing symptoms after experiencing a loss is completely normal
• emotional pain connected to a loss can also be felt in physiological ways (see The Science of Heartbreak clip below)

 
Many people may have heard of the five stage model first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross consisting of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. These stages are not intended to be linear, nor does everyone who experiences grief move through all, or any, of the stages. The grieving process is a complex and unique process and it's okay to experience different symptoms or stages than others.

​Other symptoms of grief can include:

• shock & disbelief
• sadness on a continuum from profound to minimal
• guilt, anger or fear
• anxiety or panic attacks
• questioning spirituality or religious beliefs
• physical symptoms including fatigue, nausea, weight loss or gain, lowered immunity, aches and pains, or insomnia

Learn about the science of heartbreak:

​Continue to the next article in this series: 

​The Impact of of Experiencing Loss & Bereavement

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Additional Reading:

• ​​Depression versus Sadness: Understanding the Difference
• ​Anxiety: Defining & Understanding​
• Latest Mental Health Blog Article

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​References: onlyhealthy.com, helpguide.org, ​addictionhope.com

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